Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance (Game Boy Advance, 2002)

The GBA Castlevanias have a Goldilocks problem. Circle of the Moon was brutally difficult, requiring players to grind out levels to have even a hope of outmatching the lethal bosses. Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance is far too easy, ending up with a friction-free trip through Dracula’s castle against bosses that may as well be made out of balsa wood.

The annoying thing for this (whip-wieldin’, cross-tossin’) Goldilocks is that she’s already had her ‘just right’ porridge in the form of Symphony of the Night and everything that’s come since has had difficult second album syndrome.

Let’s focus on the positives for now. The clunky movement of Circle of the Moon has been completely overhauled, with new hero Juste (a mix of Alucard and Richter) able to sprint about the place and satisfyingly dodge forward and backward. Much of these games is about poking around in various corners of the map to find the route forward, and being able to trap ‘L’ and ‘R’ to zip around faster than walking is way easier on the thumbs than holding down a d-pad for minutes at a time.

I’m also a big fan of the magic system, principally because breaking a game over your knees with minimal effort is innately satisfying. The ‘Spell Fusion’ system lets you mix classic ‘vania subweapons with magical books to create new spells. Many of them are ludicrously unbalanced, with my favorite the Bible+Ice shield, which essentially installs a buzzsaw on Juste’s chest that chews through enemies and bosses.

The other common complaint about Circle of the Moon was that it was hard to see what was going on on a standard GBA screen. Harmony of Dissonance solves that by making everything impossibly garish. This may not help with the spooky gothic atmosphere, but I kinda like the eye-piercing hot pinks and neon orange. No one’s going to argue that this is an aesthetic masterpiece, but I think it looks neat in a trashy sort of way.

Brooding under the blinding pink night sky.

And then there’s the interior decorating. While exploring Castle Dracula, Juste finds a room without any homicidal skeletons, flying puppet ladies, or grotesque flesh balls and decides to go all Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen. This means hunting through the castle for furniture and decorations until you’ve turned this drab place into Marie Kondo’s worst nightmare.

The swirling vortex really ties the room together.

As far as I can gather the only point to all this is that completing the room will make a lady hold your hand in the ending. Demonstrating that you can pair a sofa with some nice throw cushions getting you the girl is a little sexist, but it’s at least a more practical day-to-day skill than being able to whip a bat out of the air.

Sadly all the above is hamstrung by Harmony of Dissonance having one of the most pain-in-the-ass castles in the series’ history. There are few warp rooms and for long stretches of the game a lot of dead ends. There are few things more annoying than finally getting the ability to bash down a barrier, trekking across the entire map to do it, and then discovering that you’ll need the ceiling smash ability to get past the next room.

I’m sure this looked positively restrained on the original screen.

Those moments are compounded by there being two castles laden on top of the other, which sounds neat but essentially doubles the size of the game rather than gives you more to do. The Nintendo-y thing would be to have actions in one map affect the other, though this never happens. It just means more running through the same old corridors for the hundredth time futilely hunting for whatever’s tucked away in the corners.

Eventually I gave up and checked a walkthrough, nabbed Drac’s parts, and finished the game. Stuffed Drac (or his spirit, I dunno) back in the coffin and moved on.

Next up, Aria of Sorrow. Heard it’s good.